Grief

Bad Days in Grief Are Okay

September 27, 2024

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I'm Laura — author and empathy lover. I'm here to help you feel less alone in life's tough, awkward and awkwardly funny times.

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Bad Day in Grief, Husband Grieves loss of mom

It’s okay to have a bad day because someone you love died.

I had a bit of an intervention with my husband last night.  He hasn’t been himself. He seems sad. A (lot) bit detached. With the day-to-day craziness of schedules, I’d usually say we’re two ships passing but it’s more like we’re on different seas (catching glimpses of each other on the same map).

I told him I just missed him. And that’s all he needed to start his share for the day.

“Work is frustrating. I’m not getting up to work out. My mom died.” 

There it was.

I stood over the stove, stirring the riced cauliflower (because amongst it all I’m trying to get my kids to eat more veggies). I didn’t look up and I didn’t speak. There was nothing to say because he’d said it all. I wasn’t surprised. In fact, I think I poked because I wanted to hear him say it. I couldn’t take the silence and the release of even those last three words allowed me to connect with him again even for a second. He was still there – amongst all the hurt and pain.

The bad days are allowed. And when you’re in the throes of grief they just are. It’s the weighted blanket that doesn’t provide comfort. It’s just heavy.

Grief is hard. Grief is necessary. Grief is a very valid reason for bad days.

Whether you’re carrying your own, watching someone go through theirs, or you’re feeling the pull of both, you’re on my map – I see you.

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