I can do sudden. In fact, over the last decade, I feel like it’s been my jam. The gut punch nauseating unable to stand feeling of receiving “the news” is almost…familiar.

So when one of my best friends, Barb, went on hospice a few weeks ago, I felt like a total newbie. 

What do I say to her husband and kids “during”?

What do I say to Barb when I’m not sure if she can hear me anymore?

What do I do with an opportunity to say goodbye?

Will I still feel the same gut punch when I eventually get the same news?

Will it somehow feel different once she’s gone and finally free of pain?

The answers to these questions are still unfolding for me:

As I made the walks across the street to visit my friend Barb.

As I hugged her husband Dan on the night she passed away.

As we drove to the mortuary to pick up her ashes.

As we stood in the cemetery to lay her to rest.

As we sat at the restaurant drinking and eating and toasting to Barb.

One thing is certain though – I can do it. I can and I am. Even though my tears might feel at times like I can’t. Even though the laughs might feel a little forced. Even though I’m not entirely sure I want to talk about any of it just yet.

And yes, I’m talking to you. Because even though (fill in the blank) feels heavy…you can and you are too.